How To Defeat ‘Terrorism!’

Tuesday, April 25th. All was quiet. Lying on my bed listening to a James Bond audiobook. It was something I wanted to do rather than had to do.

Just finished a cup of tea, removed the ear-buds and put the empty cup on my nightstand ( or as we say: ‘bed-side cabinet.’ ) All was still – you could hear a pin drop.

And then…

At first I wasn’t sure: was this the real thing, I wondered? I wasn’t afraid. They weren’t strangers to me. I knew them. But I had thought at one point that I had finally gotten rid of them, but here they were again, this time advancing in full force:

The Anti-Confidence ‘Terrorists’!! ( A.C.T. )

“Not again” I thought, my feelings sinking as they advanced slowly and quietly; in the night.

By morning I knew that something had changed. I had been the victim of yet another attack: I’d lost interest; I couldn’t see the point – any point!; I was tired beyond belief; my energy levels had dissipated; I was alone; depressed: so depressed that I couldn’t even be annoyed; so depressed that I couldn’t even be bothered being depressed!

My physical health was taking a beating too – there really is only so much pain that one can tolerate, you know. Even when pain-killers were failing in their job!

So complete was the attack that later the next evening, listening to James Bond had now become something that I felt I had to do rather than wanted to do!

And it went from there…

Wednesday, May 10th. Beautiful day outside: warm; sunny; light breeze: perfect! To my amazement I’m writing this blog. Why?? How?? Who cares!! What does it matter!! I’m doing it and isn’t that what counts? And I’m beginning to realise that there’s more riding on this than mere words: perhaps it’s the beginning of…

Recovery? Rebuilding? Resumption? Reclamation? Resurrection? Any word as long as it began with ‘R?’

But wait… surely there are choices to be made. Always there’s choices!

Decision time.

Where do I begin? Cup of tea!! Yes… I’ll have a cup of tea! Never underestimate the rejuvenating* power of a good ol’ cuppa!!

And now to damage-assessment!:

  • I’ve lost 16 days that I will never see again.
  • I’m sixteen days older ( or sixteen days closer to my expiration date, whichever way you want to look at it! )
  • There may have been things that needed doing and they weren’t done.
  • Things may have moved on and left me behind.
  • People may have moved on and left me behind.

I ask myself: is there anything to be gained in mourning over the loss of time? Is there any value in grieving for it? Should I feel guilty? Regretful?* Angry? Sad? What should I feel? Should I even feel? What should I do?

And this is what I decided to do:

  1. Quickly come to terms with the situation.
  2. Make a plan.
  3. Move forward.

And… what should I feel about it all? I’ll decide to feel nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G! I’ll pick myself up… take up where I left off and get stuck in!!

Feeling better already!

They often say that the way to defeat terrorism is to continue living as normal – demonstrate to the terrorists that their attack hasn’t made one iota of difference to your life – that they have not achieved their objective – that THEY. HAVE. FAILED!

For the first time, my personal Anti-Confidence ‘Terrorists’ have failed. I lost 16 days, but I think that they have lost much, much more!



* Yes, more ‘R’ words!


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