Everything was going ok; just ok. I was sitting with my laptop, TV on, coffee ready – it should all have been good. It was.
Until an hour ago. Suddenly, and without warning, my mood took a real bad dip. Came out of nowhere.
I’m in the throes of a depression bordering on despair. I’m confused. I’m suddenly annoyed with the dog. A delivery man came to the door with a parcel – I’m annoyed. I couldn’t care less about the TV. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do worth the laptop. I want to sleep for a week!!
And I don’t understand why.
Depression has been so much a part of my life that I honestly can’t now remember a time when I didn’t have it. Not only is it a part of me – it feels like is me!
I’m in a quandary. The only thing right now that gives me any comfort or hope is Jesus.
Without Him, I would be taking the next step. Without Him I would be long gone.
“What did the Indians ( sorry, native Americans ) say to to the couple of wigwans?”
“Hey, you’re too tents!”
Too tense, geddit? 😂
Strange the thoughts that go through your mind during adepressive bout. I retreated to the bedroom because that is where I find comfort and safety.
Put the tv on to watch a documentary on the Douglas Syraider in the Vietnam war. The Skyraider is one of my favourite aircraft – despite being propellor-driven it was eminently suited to the ground support mission.
Ah, but you don’t want to hear about that. I mention it because, as I am a bit of a military aircraft buff, the programme presents something familiar and enjoyable. Its real purpose for being on is not to inform and educate me – I could look up myriad other sources if I want that information, not least Wikipedia.
No, the purpose is therapeutic – something to maybe help me through this depressive episode. Is it working? Too soon to say.
But I think that perhaps writing about may be a help.
I’m new to writing a so-called ‘blog’. There are many, many fine ‘bloggers’ out there and I wouldn’t dare to make any claim for myself. In fact it has taken me a number of years from thinking up the blog name, to actually contributing to it.
And darn it, I don’t really know if it’s making any impact on readers. But that’s not the point. The point is that for the first time ever, I’m writing about aspects of my damaged life, primarily as a type of therapy. But if it helps someone, in some way then that’s a bonus – it would make me very happy.
To be continued…